After making bail I returned to Fort McMurray as my bail conditions stated I must. Upon arriving back, the people I worked with threw a big party for me! No one besides my parents had ever thrown a party for me before. It felt great! I begin to look at these friends like family. It was being around these people day and night for the next three years of my life that would begin my metamorphoses into a civilian.
At first I was behaving like my old self. I would jack people sometimes, or begin in on one of my crazy rants about ignorant shit, but my new friends did not laugh at my crazy shit, nor did they encourage it. At first I wondered why. Then I began to try and see where their point of view came from and I tried to look at it like they did. I discovered that they were right.
Now change takes time, it begins with a seed being planted into your head, where it germinates and moves around, searching for nutrition to feed on so it can grow until it ultimately overpowers the other thought you originally had in place on the subject. Now what feeds it the nutrition it needs to grow is confirmation that the thought or idea is true. You begin to see it everywhere and wonder to yourself, "How could I have been so blind as to not see that before! And if one holds the thought seed in their head long enough and looks at it from multiple angles they will begin to get different thoughts which adds more nutrition to the idea, and then you begin to meet others who also believe the same idea and thoughts, but since they put things together in their heads differently than you do they will give you new angles and ways to look at the thought or idea.
Because when I moved up to Fort Mac I was a thug and criminal, I still had the same thoughts and beliefs of a thug and criminal, so even as I first began the change because of the influence of my new friends, I still dabbled in crime and intimidation. I did what I wanted, and treated people as I wanted to. I had no fear of these soft kids was what I thought at the time. (I still don't, but for very different reasons now than I did back then.) Because I had a marijuana habit back then and the price of weed was ridiculous up there, I began to sell it, and eventually had runners working for me. All the while working two jobs at the same time. It was because of this activity (selling drugs), after I achieved stability and a very comfortable lifestyle, that I lost everything and ended up back on the streets. Though at the time I blamed it on the persons who ripped me off. What really had happened was; because my runners were now starting to do good and I had weeded out the bad ones, I quit both my jobs. And then I made my next mistake, I took my seed money and gave it to someone I thought I could trust because I had helped him out many of times before. Well, he ripped me off. This couldn't have happened at a worst time. It was just after X mas and I had spent a fortune on it that year because I was doing very good money wise. And then because of the traffic I had been bringing to my apartment to buy weed; the new next door neighbour complained and even told the landlord she thought I was selling drugs. So to help out my roommate, I made it easy on him and moved out right away. I told him when people came by to pick up weed to get them to page me. Well my roommate agreed, then turned around and picked up a bunch of weed from my dealer (my dealer told me about this a week after I had moved out) and began to sell to my customers. I was enraged, and when I finally caught up with him I tried to punch him out in his place with all his friends there and I taxed him, he payed up quickly and promptly the very next day. But after all this I was homeless broke and with out work again.
Until next time friends. May you forever Learn and Grow.
Yours truly, The Constant Learner.
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