As soon as I started in the public school, my whole life changed. I got picked on and beat up continually. It got to the point where I got so tired of it that I began looking for ways to make the kids stop picking on me. One summer I began working out, and I worked out everyday and very intensely. Well when the next year of school started up I was twice the size I was from just a few months earlier. The bullying stopped.
Since I did not have many friends, the friends I did have became like family. I had a friend, we'll call him James for this blog. He had grown up in foster home after foster home and had a pretty bad life up to that point. Since we were both outsiders we hung out together, did missions and eventually crime together. On my very first B&E (break and enter) we hit the jackpot with a hockey bag full of cigarettes. We sold them at school, which of course led to us getting busted. Actually it led to myself getting busted. I tried to deny it at the police station for about an hour and a half, but the police officer was much smarter than I was, considering I was only 13 at the time, and eventually I confessed. The police officer asked me what James' part in this was, since he too was caught selling cigarettes. I told him that he had nothing to do with it, that James was just helping me sell them. With that the officer sent me home with my mother.
The next day James had asked me what I had told the cops, and after I told him about the whole ordeal, he said "you could tell them I helped you." I answered James by saying, "Why? why should we both go down?" James never forgot what I did for him. This also left a deep impression on my mind. I was being shown respect for being solid and not ratting. I also learned that the police were liars willing to say anything to get you to confess. From that point on, it became me against the world.
Even though I got busted, it did not detour me from the criminal lifestyle. I got deeper and deeper into a life of crime. Starting out with B&E's and thefts eventually leading to gang life, assaults, extortion, drug dealing, kidnapping, collecting and anything shady to make a buck. I began studying the lives of Al Capone, and Lucky "Scarface" Luciano, Bugsy Seagel, amongst many others. I saw how Hollywood portrayed these thugs like they were hero's or something. As well, I also saw how people treated the local street thugs that I knew and hung out with. People feared us. They kissed our asses. They gave us scores (jobs). If we wanted to take from them we did, without hesitation. Violence was the norm. For a kid of 16, this was a real feeling of power. By the time I turned 18 I had been to the young offenders center multiple times and been in many group homes. All jail did for me back then was make me want to be more careful and to make sure I did not get caught.
I looked at regular people and felt that they were suckers. They let the government tell them what to do, their bosses, their spouses. They worked hard making others rich and living a safe and secure life! YUCK! I looked at them as being weak and out of touch with reality. I mean, here I was at sixteen, living life the way I wanted, getting all the hot girls I wanted, making as much money as I wanted, and paying no taxes, and pledging allegiance to only my crew and never to any government, here I was living better than those weak people I saw. And the thought of joining the military discussed me. Why would I go fight for a bunch of politicians and hypocrites I did not know. What would the government give me. No, I was going to take mine, I was going to get mine. No one else out there was just going to hand it over to me, or give me anything. I had a grade 8 education, with a criminal record. As far as I could tell I was destined to be a slave in a menial job making next to nothing scraping by while I made everyone else rich, or I could take mine. I chose the latter So began my career as a criminal. It was shady, exciting, painful, and eventually self destructive. I will not go into more details than I need to about my sordid past. I only wrote about this so you could see my mindset at the time. Specifically the thought phrase, "I'm going to take mine", and or, "I'm going to get mine."
Needless to say the next ten to twelve years of my life was lived on this path of taking mine. I went to the pen, was stabbed, and had everyone of my friends turn on me, back stab me, steal from me, and talk shit and spread lies about me. These were the boys I had pledged my allegiance to, my friends whom shared the same beliefs as me, the same ones who jacked people, committed robberies and multiple crimes with me. For anyone who might think that this life is glamorous or the way to go. I can tell you right now it is not! For those of you who might be thinking that the times are hard and that you really have no choice but to get into criminal activity. You do have a choice, and I'm here to show you how to access the unlimited choices that you do have and to tell you that even when things look the most bleak, there is always a solution, and sometimes if you look hard enough the solution you find can change the course of your whole life and those around you for the better. My time is up for the day, so my dear friends I bid you adieu till the next time.
May you forever Learn and Grow.
Yours truly The Constant Learner.
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