Before I can give you this profound thought, before I can reveal this life changing Idea I had, you will need to get to know myself better. The Kris of the past, who I was, what I thought about life, my decision to leave the game, which of course leads to my falling back in, if just only on the fringes. Which then leads to the profound thought, the life changing idea (for those of you thinking this profound thought is a religious one, relax, it is not.) So buckle your seat-belt my dear reader and make yourself comfortable. We are about to start together on a path of intrigue and discovery together.
I was born September the 4th 1975 in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. My parents had moved down to Calgary from the North West Territories to provide a better life for us. My father worked for the oil rigs and was payed well. Being from the North West Territories my parents did not know anyone down here in Alberta. So we moved from Calgary to St Albert, to Edmonton, to St Albert, and then to Devon, where I ultimately came back to Edmonton in my teen years.
My father worked on the ocean rigs, so this meant that he was gone most of the time. Not knowing anyone made it hard for my mother. Since she did not know anyone she did not have anyone to help her with the my brother Clark and I. She could never get a break from us, we were her life 24/7. (Looking back on what my mom did I must say that I am very proud of her and amazed. I love my Momma and miss her very much!) So my mom ultimately joined a local baptist church and put us through this church's schooling for my first 3 years of school. It was an interesting school with maybe 20 students, ranging in age from 6 all the way to 16. They had rules, like the 6 inch rule. This rule stated that a boy could not be more than six inches away from a girl... If we ever got out of line the preacher, who was also our principle, had this wooden paddle with big holes drilled through it so as to get as little possible air resistance when he spanked you! And OUCH!! Did it ever hurt!! After you got a spanking with that, guaranteed you did your best to avoid getting whipped again!
I used to never understand church, except that if you did not do what they said you should do, you were going to suffer an eternity of hell fire and torment.
The preacher told us that the drums were the devils instrument and they were the same as sin. That rock n roll was sin, booze & alcohol were sin, that women who wore pants were sinning and that if their dresses were too close to their knees or higher they were living a life of sin... I could not understand how listening to music with drums in it, or girls wearing pants, and so on, constituted sin. I could not understand how it justified an eternal life of torture in hell-fire.
I tell you one thing though, this hell-fire put the fear of god into me! So I asked jesus into my heart at the age of twelve for fear of being tortured forever and ever.
I remember one time just after Tim Burton's 1st Batman came out. I had seen it and really liked it. So I took a shirt design making kit, and made my own Batman shirt. I wore this shirt I had made to church one day, and my best friends dad came up to me and took me into the pastors office (the pastor was no where near the office), where my friends dad began telling me how this batman symbol I was wearing was evil and sinful. I remember thinking "who was this guy to tell me what to do" of course I never said that to him, kids never talked back to parents where I came from. I told him that my parents did not mind the shirt and that I was allowed to wear it, and I got out of there. It was around three weeks later that we found out my friends dad had been molesting him and he got kicked out of the church! I remember feeling really bad for my friend. I also remember coming to the realization of why his father had gotten me alone in the pastors office just a few weeks earlier! Creepy!
As you can guess that left a mark on my mind about the church, about those in authority, and about god. Thankfully it wasn't long after that when the pastor was moving on to the USA to start another church. Our little church broke up and I was thrust into public school. So by this point I was brainwashed with a lot of religious junk and had been raised to be timid and quiet. As you can imagine getting tossed into a public school after only knowing church school for three years was very painful and life expanding!
Do you have any memories about church as a kid? Good or bad? How did this experience help to shape who you are today?
These experiences left deep impressions on me and my beliefs. I learned that I could no longer trust somebody just because they are a person of authority. I learned that god is a nasty, cruel, petty god, who acts more like a gangster (though I would not have the revelation of that god as a gangster until in my later years) than The Ever-living and loving God. I learned that this world was not fair, and that the weak paid the price...This experience would bring me to the next stage of my life, puberty...
Till next time friends. May you forever Learn and Grow!
Yours truly, the Constant Learner.
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