Drug Use Leads to a Life Ultimatum

After living in Fort McMurray for 4 years, I decided to move back home. At this time I no longer saw thug life and gang life very appealing. I had been developing my rapping skills and I wanted to get some more schooling in music. I moved back to Edmonton, and began working on my CD. I eventually moved in with some musician friends from Fort McMurray into a house so we could jam and work on our CD's. At first it was good, but because there were five artists living in one house eventually different drugs took over as well as the party and the girls. We went our separate ways and I went to Vancouver to see what people who did not know me would think about my music, my rap. They liked it, but as I examined the idea to pursue this as a career I realized I needed to have steady cashflow coming in so I could work full time on my skills, I was after all now in my thirties. 

I became depressed while in Vancouver and began using coke and crack on a regular basis. I felt like I was trapped and that all my opportunities for success had passed me by. I was depressed because of all the bad choices I had made in life, that I only had a grade 8 education that I had a criminal record. This meant to me that I would forever be a cook or some bum in construction. Any good job would not be given to a person of my stature. It was tempting to get back into selling drugs but I remembered everything and a big NO would show up in my thoughts. This made me feel that I would forever be under the control of these circumstances so I used drugs. I eventually came to a realization that I could stay here in Vancouver and continue on the path I was on until I was a street person till I eventually died, or I could go back home to Edmonton and figure out a way to create my own cashflow, to learn how to start a business and live! I was on the next bus home...

Realizing I needed connections to start a successful business. I examined all the people I knew. They were gangsters, drug dealers, drug users, pimps, dancers, escorts, thieves and the such. I realized I did not have the right connections needed to build a lasting business in the community. I needed to become a respectful person in the community! I began asking myself how could I meet these people? How could I make myself a respectful member of the community? How could I build trust? These questions led to me deciding to go to church. I was working for a construction company at the time checking contractors work. And there was this lady I worked with, who was always seemingly joyful and saying things like, "Praise Jesus." She had a bumper sticker on her car that said Jesus on it. So one day I asked her if her church was good and she said it was. I then I asked if I could go the following Sunday and she said yes. My plan was working, or so I thought. I faithfully went every Sunday and began hanging out with people from the church on a continuous basis. I never forgot the lessons I had learned as a kid about church. I was there to praise my creator and make connections. I had no illusions that somehow these people were more righteous or better than me. They just appeared to be that way. I was here for a purpose, and they were going to help to get me there. I was in it for selfish reasons. I did not care about these people. I also felt that they did not trust me and I knew that some of them did not really like me. It was OK I was going to become rich and be able to pursue MY music and MY dreams because of them. I continued on with my plan.

Join me next time where everything changes and the floor drops out from beneath me!

Until next time Friends. May you forever Learn and Grow .

Yours truly, The Constant Learner.

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